Feb 06 2009
MTV Makes Hating The City Way Too Easy
Watching 7 episodes of The City really tested my will to live. I even briefly considered faking my own death and going on the lamb just to escape every facet of the show. Whitney Port was tolerable on The Hills where they were considerate enough to hire someone to stand on a platform above her, pulling on strings to manipulate her face into those “situation appropriate” yet ridiculously over the top expressions. The fact that they neglected to (intentionally, I assume) have someone shove their hand up her ass and make her speak just made me appreciate them so much more. For some reason, no puppeteer was factored into the budget for The City, her strings were cut, and she’s been left to her own devices. Each episode is more painfully awkward than the last, panoramic views of the city fade to shots of the dead behind the eyes ostrich serving as Whitney’s stand in. I feel I need to share my reasons for despising the show, because I assume my blind hatred alone isn’t enough.
Whitney Port Filming The City - Photo By Fred Montana/Splash News
Asinine Story Lines - Every single episode, the following occurs without fail; Olivia “The last 10 pounds I lost were from my brain” Palermo says something bitchy. Someone (maybe they roll dice to decide who?) complains about their relationship, cries (if they have ovaries) and then the music swells. And at some point Whitney makes her “I don’t understand your human language” face. It’s like watching all the really stupid kids in high school trying to figure out their combination locks. Entertaining…but then just really, really sad.
Olivia Palermo At A Screening Of “He’s Just Not That Into You” - Photo By Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images
Jay Lyon -Whitney’s sort of boyfriend. Every-time I see him I just want to… well what I really want to do is tie him to something large and heavy (perhaps his overinflated ego) and drop him off of the Brooklyn Bridge, but that’s a bad thing to say. He’s a straight up douche-bag who plays wing-man to a guy who cheats on and lies to his girlfriend but takes serious offence to Whitney suggesting that “You are who you hang with.”
Jay Lyon Taking A Stroll Through New York City’s Noho Neighbourhood - Photo By Tom Meinelt-Jackson Lee/Splash News
The Entire Cast - While I’m not a big fan of The Hills either, at least the interactions between the characters (real or fake) are believable. On The Cityit doesn’t even look like any of them like each-other, yet we are forced to watch them awkwardly brunch. Every. Single. Episode. One girl in particular, model girl, I can never remember her name, (A….A….Anorexic?) has this really manic look about her, like she’s one misplaced calorie away from shaving her head and chasing plastic bags through Central Park.
Partial Cast Of The City - Olivia Palermo, Whitney Port, Erin Lucas - At A Party In NYC - Photo By Astrid Stawiarz/Getty Images
Geography - I’m fine with absurd reality shows set in Los Angeles. I’ve accepted that it’s the land of watermelon chested slow thinkers and prematurely balding wannabe rockstars in too tight pants. Pants whose tightness I can only hope will someday (soon!) cause infertility. But not New York. I love New York. I want to move to New York. But now I’m afraid to even go there, lest I run into one of them and they steal my soul in an attempt to inject some life into Whitney.
Waterfall Art Installation At The Brooklyn Bridge - Designed By Olafur Eliasson - Photo By Mario Tama/Getty Images
So…for at least the foreseeable future I will be hating from afar, just hoping that their idiocy isn’t contagious.
Note: All Photos Are From www.picapp.com
I haven’t heard of this show before, but you’ve given me glimpse of what it’s like..
BTW–I like your header design, very unique!
icybc - Thank you! It’s the first time I’ve ever made anything like that….I took all of those pictures except for the bubbles. The one on the far left is a really long bridge in Mexico at a resort I stayed at…and the three other “scenic” ones were all taken in the town I live in
Is The City a 4th cousin spin off of the show MTV had a few years back Laguna Beach? I liked that show it seemed like it had more happening in it. Then they all had to go off and get jobs. Wish they could have stayed in high school forever lol.
SauerkrautYankee - Thank you. It’s always nice to know that someone actually likes me
Lin - I agree….the fights and the drama are so ridiculous, I mean how long can you carry a show for when all they want to talk about is the fight but all LC will say is “She knows what she did.”
I hope most New Yorkers aren’t like that because if I base it all on that show my life plans of moving there are gone. lol.
WV918 - Yeah it is a very tenuous extension of Laguna Beach…which I definitely enjoyed more. It could be because I was in high school when it aired and it was like watching my life on tv….but seeing people who are essentially adults act like 15 year olds is just off puting.
Akirah - As much as I say I hate it, I still tune in. So I guess we’re both idiots
Cambios - I think they just try to find moderately attractive people who don’t argue and do what they’re told.
I will definitely come see your new self-hosted blog.
Thanks for commenting everyone!!